KUALA LUMPUR, April 10 - Malaysian ministers, deputy ministers, and other bureaucrats are making a beeline to London to help maths-genius-turned-hooker, Sufiah, with her high sex drive.
The former and current Ministers of Health have released a joint statement saying, 'We believe that we can understand Sufiah's positions better and, maybe, let her know our positions as well by having a face-to-face meeting with her. We understand that sex is essential to good health and as the current and former health ministers; we believe that no one can provide Sufiah with better health education. Anyway, a high sex drive is not uncommon and we look forward to helping Sufiah with her problem, together, if necessary.
'The Education Minister and his cousin, the DPM, are also traveling to London to meet Sufiah.
'We actually tried to make an appointment with her for Saturday night but it seems that our boss has got in ahead of us. She'll only be free on Monday, so we'll be looking to spend some quality time in Soho until then - all expenses paid by our ministries, of course,' said the Education Minister with a smirk on his face.
'We intend to get to her bottom, I mean, the bottom of her situation, and convince her to work in Malaysia. We feel that she has many of the right attributes that can ease the pressure on hard things,' he added while moving his hands around in his pockets.
The Rural and Regional Development ministry is also sending its minister, Muhd. Muhd. Taib to meet with Sufiah.
'She's a smart person. We think that she can contribute some ideas to the rising decadence in the rural areas of Malaysia. I hope to see her back in some rural area in Malaysia. I also hope to see her front. I believe we can come to some natural position that is best for both of us,' said the Minister with a big grin on his face. 'Besides, she can help me with my maths as I'm always confused about the amount of zeroes behind the 1 I can carry overseas.'
The Tourism Minister is also one of those who are looking forward to getting some know how from Sufiah.
'Have you seen the state of Malaysian bushes? I've seen my fair share of bushes and I can say that they are a disgrace? How can we attract tourists with bushes like this? She keeps her bush nice and trim and we need to know how to do that to get more tourists for Malaysia. I'm going there to gain some first hand experience in bush trimming from her. I'm sure that once I get my fingers wet in her bush, she'll even volunteer to come to Malaysia to help in our bush trimming efforts.'
When asked if the Agriculture Minister was not a more suitable person, she said, 'Trust me. I know bushes better than him.'
It is believed that some of the Malaysian politicians who had lost in the last General Elections had already met up with Sufiah to get her expertise.
'She is really an act of God! I used to have plumbing problems but she just orally taught me how to solve my problems,' said one former minister who requested anonymity.
A MAS spokesman said that flights to London are all fully booked for the next 2 weeks.